I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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