Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Randomize
