I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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