I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize