we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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