I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
