Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
