I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
