Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Let's get the cat blown out
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
