plz talk dirty to me
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
