I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
