Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
