dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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