i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Who died my cat blue again?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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