We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
