i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
