I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
