i love accidental penises.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
