How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
