what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
