Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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