Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
nutella sex= disaster
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
