I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
