You work out of a Hotel?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
