hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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