sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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