I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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