OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize