tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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