If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
