This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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