I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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