the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
