his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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