I'm drive I can fine osifer
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
