is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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