I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
