You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
