How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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