So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
