my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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