I think I died a long time ago.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
