Screwed.edu
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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