I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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