I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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