he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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