New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm like, not good at living.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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