She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
