ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He felt like a one man threesome
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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