your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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