I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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