I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
