god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
