jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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