I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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