I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
