I'm really into asian looking animals
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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