what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
