My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
