i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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