I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I have fence marks all over my body
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
