Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
