Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
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