his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
