Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
