Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
