Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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