the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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