when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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