im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize