Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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