We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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