My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
