God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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