My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
