And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
