You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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