i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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