i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
