You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
