I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
