you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize