We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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