Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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