how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
