Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
