fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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