she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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